


A Momentary Lapse of Reason ficlets

by PippinSqueaks



Series: A Momentary Lapse of Reason fic [2]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Multi, One Shot, Spin Off, Stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-04 11:16:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5332193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PippinSqueaks/pseuds/PippinSqueaks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shots/scenarios from the 'A Momentary Lapse of Reason' fic</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prompt 1: The scientists go over to comfort Cecil and end up crying about missing Carlos.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: The scientists go over to comfort Cecil and end up crying about missing Carlos.

"I just miss him so much!" Cecil wailed, blowing his nose pathetically into a tissue, before reaching for another from the box that Dave was holding. 

"S'not the same without Carlos." Ellie sobbed into Cecil's shoulder, a bottle of wine nestled in her lap. The team had gotten quite drunk when they had gone round to comfort Cecil and the group were sat on Cecil and Carlos' living room floor, crying their eyes out about missing their favourite scientist.

"Carlos was always so nice to people, y'know?" Rochelle hiccuped. "Never said anythin' mean to anyone. I....I wish there were more people like that in the world." She let out a choking sob and continued to cry into Jeffries' shoulder. Jeffries just looked solemnly at Natalia, the only sober one given her no-alcohol policy. He was definitely the second most sober, however. Dave had become surprisingly depressed with Carlos gone and was brooding quietly next to Rochelle. Ellie, on the other hand, was a mess. 

"He's my best friend in all the world, y'know?" The biochemist had tears streaming down her cheeks. "And I love him so so much."

"Carloooooss..." Cecil moaned mournfully. "I love him so much. My hero boyfriend is so far away from me."

"So far!" Ellie wailed and the two hugged each other crying even louder and dramatically than before. 

Natalia gingerly took the wine bottles away from the two of them, reflecting on the fact this was definitely the most pathetic slumber party she'd ever been to.


	2. Prompt 2: The team freak out about something Night-Vale normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like the Night Vale book and the idea of suddenly dying in the middle of a pawn shop transaction made me laugh so, as usual, I make it happen to the characters!

"Carlos, you just have to accept that you need to sell it." Dave sighed. "You can't keep it any longer."

Carlos rested his head against his laptop. It had finally died. He had bought a new laptop (and subsequent allowance to own it from the City Council) several months beforehand, and he had already transferred his data across to it from his old laptop. However, he was so attached to his old laptop, he had kept using it. The poor piece of technology was outdated and old, but it would be useful for spare parts. 

"I suppose so..." Carlos lamented sadly. "Where can I sell it?"

"Why not the pawn shop?" Rochelle suggested. 

"Great idea!" Dave's face lit up. "Have you ever been to the pawn shop, Carlos?"

"No, I haven't."

"We'll take you. Jackie Fierro owns the pawn shop; she can talk you through it."

"Ooh, can we come?" Natalia poked her head around the door, promptly followed by Ellie and Brent. 

"Yeah, team trip!" Rochelle grinned.  
Three quarters of an hour later, Carlos found himself entering the pawn shop with his entire team. Rochelle and Dave were there to make sure it went through properly and the rest of the team were just curious. 

"Hello." Jackie Fierro nodded at them casually as they entered. Carlos quickly found himself looking around at the various items that were stored on the shelves. Everything was priced at eleven dollars, even things that were probably worth far more than just that small amount of money. He made a note to himself to look in the shop for potential items that would be good for an investigation.

"Okay, first you have to wash your hands with the purified water over here," Rochelle gestured to a bowl. "and chant the usual kind of stuff about sacrifice and loneliness."

Carlos nodded. The chanting thing that was mandated by Night Vale society had become second nature to the team after living in Night Vale for the amount of supposed time that they had. 

"Now just give Jackie your item. The rest is self-explanatory, really."

Carlos smiled at Jackie as he placed his laptop on top of the counter in front of the young woman. The non-native members of the team watched curiously.

"Eleven dollars." Jackie said immediately. Carlos' heart sank. Only eleven dollars? For a laptop that had lasted him so long and could still be used as parts?

"No, no..." Jackie waved her hand before Ellie's usual impulsive nature caused the woman to argue the toss.  
"I can take it off your hands for fifty-eight dollars and a daydream that you would have had today."

"Deal. But how does the does the daydream thing wor-" Carlos began but stopped and suddenly collapsed to the floor. 

"Carlos!" The non-native members of the team cried and rushed to their head scientist's side. 

"Oh god!"

"Carlos, can ya hear us?"

"Carlos!"

"Hey, guys, give him some space." Dave cut in. "Otherwise he can't die properly."

"DIE. PROPERLY....?!" Ellie muttered through gritted teeth. 

"What the hell are you on about?" Natalia gaped at their blatant lack of care about what was happening. 

"He's not breathing!" Jeffries announced and Ellie immediately faced Jackie Fierro with a look of intent malice and panic in her eyes.

"What did you do?!"

"Give him a minute." Jackie said lazily. "Geez, you interlopers sure react strange to this."

"Ahhh!" Carlos suddenly screamed and sat up gasping for air. 

"Here's your ticket!" Jackie leaned over the counter as the team helped up their bewildered leader and handed Carlos a slip of blue paper with writing on it. "Thanks for the daydream, Carlos. Slightly weird that Cecil's helping you with science, but...."

"I....I never have daydreams like that..." Carlos said in such a manner that every member of his team could tell he was lying. 

"Have a good day, scientists!" Jackie waved at them as they left, with some of them shaking at the mere thought of what terrifying daydreams Carlos had, the trauma of watching him die temporarily, forgotten also temporarily.


	3. Bonus 1: Dr Green's birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was actually something I wrote for my lovely beta reader and the inspiration for Dr Green for her birthday back in February, but it is technically bonus stuff so I thought I'd share it here too ;)

Mornings had never been Ellie's strong point. Every morning, she would look at the rising sun from her mostly closed window and hiss as the rays burst through the window and filled her vision with an orange light. 

Night Vale had changed that, however. There was something about the town that made Ellie want to leap for joy every morning. So as the sun's rays burst through the window on the 6th of February, like most days, she pulled the covers off her bed and stretched with a yawn. She was always up first now, a stark contrast from when she was growing up. 

She plodded to the wardrobe and pouted at her choices. Her wardrobe was a little messy, and, granted, she didn't put things in the laundry hamper as often as she should, but that did not excuse the dismay she felt at seeing the four t-shirts she had available to her.

Two were just plain t-shirts she'd brought along in green and purple, one was an old Manchester United t-shirt that she had from home, and the other was an Aquaman top that Jeffries had bought for her as a joke last year. She'd worn it perhaps twice. It was safe to say that Dr Eleanor Green was not the biggest fan of Aquaman. 

She sighed. Manchester United it was. She was about to take it off the rack when she noticed another t-shirt that had fallen off its hangar in the corner of the wardrobe. 

She picked it up and studied it. It was her favourite t-shirt. Her friend Philippa had made it for her before she left for the expedition. It was a cartoon she'd drawn of Batman and Robin 'air guitaring' as AC/DC blared out of a portable radio in the Batcave. Ellie grinned. 

"Haven't seen this in months..." She muttered. "Should really clear out my wardrobe more."

It had very little dust on it but she shook it properly for good measure. She'd found a small puppy infestation in her wardrobe a week or so back, so she shook it thoroughly to rid it of any hairs that may have clung to it. After being satisfied that it was clean enough, Ellie laid it out on her bed with a pair of jeans and had a shower, where she sang a song at the top of her voice by Nightwish that none of the team - who heard it and/or were woken up by it - recognised. 

Her damp hair sat in loose curls as she bounded down the stairs. 

"Morning," she greeted Natalia, whose hair was sticking up in all directions - the white streak from her encounter at the Dog Park still present - and Jeffries, who returned the greeting and offered her a box of her new favourite Flaky-O's cereal. 

"Any word from Carlos?" She asked, filling her bowl with the cereal. 

"Not yet. He said he'd be here early though." Jeffries remarked. "Besides, we wante' to celebrate tonight."

"Come again?" Ellie asked with confusion. 

"Well it's February 6th today. Right?" Natalia said with a giggle. "Happy birthday!"

Ellie dropped her spoon back into her cereal. How had she managed to forget her own birthday? They'd been so busy recently that it hadn't occurred to her that the date was close. Carlos insisting that time wasn't real hadn't helped her keep track either. 

"Oh, yeah." Ellie said with a laugh. 

"We'll be playin' your favourite game!" Jeffries laughed. 

"We're playing Twister?!" 

"Awe yeah!" Natalia said, and fist-bumped the biochemist enthusiastically. 

"Sweet!" Ellie clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Got ya a little' somethin'." Jeffries said, passing her a wrapped parcel. 

"Oh, Brent, you didn't have to get me anything."

"Yeah, I did. Open it."

Ellie opened the parcel, struggling a little with the amount of parcel tape that Jeffries had put on the wrapping paper. Inside lay a new satchel. It looked like her old satchel that had been sadly broken in the subway incident, but with a Batman logo embedded into the leather.

"It's awesome! Thank you!" She jumped on Jeffries and hugged him, causing the latter to nearly fall off his chair. 

"Glad ya like it."

"Speaking of which..." Came the smooth tone of Carlos behind her, who had come in holding hands with Cecil. "Happy birthday." 

He handed her a wrapped parcel. Inside was a new Justice League notepad and Brian Johnson signed copy of 'Back In Black'. 

"Oh my...." Ellie gasped. "Where did you even get this?!"

"Well, we went to Dark Owl Records to see if they had something you'd like and Cecil...er....found that."

"It's a memento from when they kidnapped AC/DC that one time and ate Angus Young. That cyborg they replaced him with, though..." Cecil whistled. "That was a VERY good piece of engineering."

"Thank you, guys. That means a lot. I really hope Angus Young isn't a cyborg, though."

Cecil grinned at her showing all his pearly white teeth. Carlos looked a little shy, which made sense. He always wound himself up about gift giving. He squeezed Cecil's hand slightly as Natalia piped up. 

"Me next!" Natalia said. "But you have to know, with the great power I am giving you...it comes with great responsibility."

Ellie chuckled. "Spider-Man. My apprentice, I have taught you well in the art of movie quoting."

Natalia laughed and ran off, coming back with a small cardboard box. "Here. Happy birthday!"

Ellie opened the box. In the top was an envelope. She placed the box on the table and opened the envelope. Inside was a birthday card with a small cat wearing a party hat on the front. The card had a note in very messy handwriting, very unlike Natalia usual neat script. It was the handwriting she used when it was vital the Secret Police couldn't read it from a distance. 

'Box contains a tablet. I hooked up the Wi-Fi this morning in the apartment. I know you've been missing your favourite shows. Happy birthday! ~ Nat xx'

"You..." Ellie gaped. Natalia flushed slightly. 

"It was nothing...just thought you'd like to be able to watch things every now and again." She grinned. 

Ellie hugged the woman tightly. "Thank you thank you thank you! I CAN FINALLY WATCH THE ATTACK ON TITAN LEVI SPECIAL!" She squealed in realisation. 

This was amazing, she mused. She could catch up on everything. Doctor Who, rewatch Game of Thrones perhaps...

"Earth to Ellie?" Natalia asked, waving a hand in front of the biochemist's face. 

"Mm...Levi..."

The team and Cecil couldn't help but laugh. Dr Green had already closed her eyes and started daydreaming in her own little world. It was a wonderful birthday indeed.


	4. Prompt 3: Carlos takes care of Cecil after 'Visitor'

"Carlos!" 

Carlos heard Ellie behind him as he walked shakily towards the door of the lab. 

"Carlos, breathe."

"I'm going for scientific and non-scientific reasons to the Animal Hospital." He replied with as much calm as he could muster. "As a scientist, I have a duty to help those who do not understand the fundamentals of science. That is one of the things a scientist is. As well as FINE. Which I am."

"Just...just text us if everything's okay, will you?"

"I will." Carlos promised, giving her a small smile as he closed the door behind him gently. He headed towards his car and got in, dialling Cecil's number as he did so. He wasn't one for driving and talking on the phone, as it was dangerous even by normal standards, let alone in Night Vale where there were frequent strange entities that would just appear in front of your car and expect you to avoid them at the last second, swerving violently to the side to avoid that terrifying possibility. 

The phone continued to ring as Carlos started up the car, and as he drove towards the animal hospital. By the time he had arrived, he had deduced that Cecil had left his phone at the radio station.

"Honey?" He walked solemnly through to the waiting room where Cecil was pacing anxiously in front of a door with a flashing light above it saying 'Surgery in process'. His head flicked up when he heard Carlos' voice, stopping in his pacing. Cecil's eyes were blotchy and red and he had tears running down his cheeks. 

"C-Carlos. What are you doing here?"

"Personal reasons." He mumbled back, walking over to Cecil. "I had to make sure you were alright. Khoshekh, too."

Cecil sniffed. "My baby boy...what if I lose him?"

"Sshh, Ceece. He's gonna be alright. I have a scientist's instincts, right?"

Cecil nodded, his teeth nervously chewing his lower lip. 

"You do. I'm just so worried. And so....so ANGRY at what those MONSTERS did."

Carlos took Cecil's hands in his own and lead him to the seating area, sitting them both down gently. He ran his thumbs soothingly over the top Cecil's hands.

"I know, honey."

"I hate them...." Cecil sniffled. "For what they did to my cat. My Khoshekh..." Another tear spilled over from the brim of Cecil's eye and slipped down his cheek. Carlos raised his left hand and caught the tear with his thumb, wiping it away with a gentle caress of his boyfriend's face. 

"Come here." Carlos opened up his other arm and Cecil fell sidewards into his embrace, slow sobs wracking the radio host's body occasionally. Carlos murmured soothing words of encouragement and comfort into Cecil's hair, kissing the top of his brow and rubbing his arms gently in a circular motion. Cecil hiccuped a few times before Carlos noticed his breathing evening out. 

Until the surgery door opened and they received word of Khoshekh's surgery, Carlos continued to whisper soothing words to Cecil quietly in the empty animal hospital waiting area, long after the radio host had fallen asleep in his boyfriend's arms through exhaustion.


	5. Prompt 4: Cecil gets hot and bothered by Carlos' 'bad boy antics'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie, this pretty much is as close to smut as I've ever gotten with this fic.

When Cecil heard about Carlos' experiments that day, he thought he was going to spontaneously combust. As soon as the radio show was over, he raced to Carlos' lab, waving at the rest of Carlos' team as they went home for the night. Natalia was the last to leave, and she winked at Cecil knowingly as she left the building.

"Cecil, what are you doing here?" Carlos asked curiously. 

"I....ah....I heard about what you were doing today." He took in the sight of his boyfriend. Carlos' disheveled hair did nothing to hide the very illegal pen tucked above one of his ears, and he was drawing a sketch on the table. He was also, Cecil shuddered as he noticed it, eating a cupcake.

"Is that...?" His eyes widened as he looked at the clear violation of the wheat and wheat by-products ban. 

"It's gluten free!" Carlos blurted, going red and doing that strange hand gesture that he always did when he attempted to lie. 

"Is that a drawing of a MOUNTAIN?" Cecil gasped as he moved around the table to just behind Carlos. 

"Wheat, believing in mountains, a pen...." He lowered his head to whisper into Carlos' ear. 

"I never knew you could be so....bad..."

Carlos' red face said it all. He composed himself and spoke quietly to Cecil. 

"Mountains are a scientific - ah!" His words were stolen from him by the gasp that escaped his lips as a result of Cecil pressing a slow kiss against his jawline. "M-mountains are real, Cecil! I can give you so many reasons why they are in fact real!"

"Then do tell me..." Cecil's voice was a purr which did all sorts of things to Carlos. He really did have the best voice of all.

"There are - mmph - many different mountain ranges - ah! - in the world and t-they are all VERY REAL..." Carlos stuttered as Cecil's hands moved lower down his labcoat and rested on his outer thighs. 

"Believing in mountains is illegal, Carlos...and wheat....and their by-products, and certainly that pen..."  
Cecil said huskily into his ear. "You've been so bad today, Carlos..."

Even the Sheriff's Secret Police spying on the two fled away from the windows when Cecil's hands began to move once more. 

They were perfectly happy to not witness this and move Carlos' arrest schedule to the next day.


	6. Prompt 5: A party game confession session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you anon for this prompt on Tumblr! I had so much fun writing this one.

"Okay, so what are the rules again?"

"Everyone is asked the same ten questions. Everyone answers. You are allowed two outs so you don't have to answer a question, but if you take them, you have to take a shot." Rochelle beamed deviously. "I'll be asking. No shots for Natalia, obviously, so you have to do 10 star jumps as a forfeit instead."

"Let's do this then." Ellie grinned and clapped her hands together. 

"Okay, question one! Have you ever had a crush on another member of the team?"

"Nope." Carlos immediately said with a smug smile. It was to be expected. He had Cecil. 

"No." Jeffries said. "You're all just great friends."

"No." Natalia said. 

"Yeah. Carlos." Ellie laughed before rubbing her shoulder sheepishly whilst the head scientist spat out his drink in shock. "It was before I knew you were gay, alright?!" Ellie blurted, causing a round of laughter from the others. 

"No from me." Dave said. 

Rochelle laughed. "Right, next question! What was the last lie you told?"

"Oh, man." Natalia got up. She did not want to admit that she had lied on the last question. Not with Ellie there. She began doing star jumps as the team looked at her in amusement. 

"Carlos?" Rochelle turned to him. 

"Cecil asked if I'd been to the store already. I said I had. I'm going after this." He looked a little ashamed. 

"I lied about finishing my lab report." Natalia muttered. "I'm not there yet."

"I lied to Carlos about League Night. It's not that I am busy, I just want to watch Batman and snooze in."

"Ellie!"

"I lied about wantin' to go shoppin' with Leann. I hate shoppin'" Brent said miserably. 

"I lied to Ellie. I hid the matches, they weren't missing earlier." Dave wouldn't look his fellow chemist-in-crime in the eye. 

"Why, you-"

"Okay, next question!" Rochelle quickly interrupted before the two chemists strangled one another. "Have you ever been fired?"

"No."

"No."

"No."

"No."

"Yes." The team turned in shock to look at Brent. He blushed and looked away. "Can we go to the next question?"

"Who's your celebrity crush?"

"Cecil." Carlos grinned. The team laughed. "What, he's a local celebrity!"

"Jensen Ackles." Ellie sighed dreamily. "He could hold me at knife point any day."

"Natalie Dormer." Dave said. "She's gifted and beautiful."

"Viggo Mortenson." Natalia said. 

"Who?"

"Aragorn."

"Ah." Rochelle nodded understandingly. 

"Beyoncé." Jeffries said and turned away from the team slightly to hide his embarrassment. 

"Question five!" Rochelle said enthusiastically. "What would put you in jail if the law ever found out?"

Carlos, Ellie, Jeffries and Dave all immediately picked up their drinks and did a shot. Rochelle and Natalia gaped at them open mouthed. 

"Seriously?"

"Yep. You are never finding out that one." Ellie said. "Nat, what's yours?"

"I once set fire to a building in college. It was an accident and the fire damage wasn't bad, but..."

"Geez, Natalia."

"Okay, next question. Trashiest TV show that you watch?"

"I think I'm going to have to take this one." Dave blushed and picked up his second shot. He would never tell them all about his 'Extreme Couponing' or 'America's Next Top Model' marathons. 

"Toddlers and Tiaras." Natalia said. 

"Keeping Up With The Kardashians." Carlos said. 

"Seriously?"

"Cecil likes it!" He defended. "He thinks that they are all members of the illuminati."

"Jerry Springer." Jeffries chuckled. 

"Bridal Plasty." Ellie said. 

"What's that?" Carlos asked in confusion. 

"Brides-to-be compete challenged in order to get the plastic surgery they want ready for their wedding days."

"And you watch that?!" 

"It only had one season..." Ellie moaned mournfully. 

"Right, Dave has no more outs. Now, question 7! Longest you've gone without a shower?"

Carlos picked up his shot. "You don't want to know." He admitted before downing it. 

"That's all your forfeits gone." Rochelle noted with glee. That meant that their head scientist could no longer escape the questions. 

"8 days." Ellie said. "I was camping."

"4 days." Jeffries said. 

"3 days." Dave said confidently. "What? I'm a clean person."

"16 days." Natalia fiddled with her thumbs. "Sometimes we couldn't afford the water bill back at home...we just had to cope."

The team fell into silence. Rochelle cleared her throat. "Okay, next one. What's the worst thing you've been caught doing?"

Ellie turned a rather bright red and in one quick motion, downed the shot glass in front of her before hiccuping slightly. Natalia smirked at her knowingly. The team stared in wonder. 

"Carlos?" Ellie cleared her throat and turned to her best friend. 

"Well, you all know about the morning I was caught with Cecil here..." 

"Hehe, that was hilarious." Natalia agreed. "I've been caught naked by my boss. Er, my boss before Carlos. He came by to drop off some reports to my house and I was cooking."

"Naked?!" Ellie spluttered. 

"I do it when I feel like it."

"Am I ever in when this happens?"

"You have been once or twice." Ellie spent the rest of the round in stunned silence. 

"Joyridin' my dad's car." Jeffries said. 

"Making a bomb." Dave admitted. This, sadly, came as no surprise to anyone. 

"Okay, so Ellie, Dave and Carlos have no more outs! What article of clothing would you wear usually worn by the opposite gender?"

"Tights." Carlos leaned back and rested his elbows on the carpet. "They seem comfortable."

"I'm with Carlos." Jeffries nodded in agreement.

"Heels." Dave replied. "What? I just want to know how you girls even walk in them!"

"Boxers. They seem interesting." Natalia mused. 

"Bowties. Because they look cool." Ellie grinned smugly, obviously proud of her Doctor Who referencing. 

"Last one, then!" Rochelle announced with excitement. "For this one it has to be the first one you thought of. Not the second, less embarrassing one. The one you FIRST think of. What is your guilty pleasure?"

"Trash TV shows." Dave muttered, which made the team laugh. 

Jeffries downed his shot and Natalia began star jumps. Ellie fiddled with her hair and looked at the floor. 

"Bad shark films." She then looked at Carlos, who was shaking and bright red. "You okay, Carlos?"

"N-No." He stuttered. "I can't say the first one I thought of!"

"You don't have any more outs!"

"Please!" He begged. 

"No exceptions."

"MakingCecilwearmylabcoat." He said quickly.

This unfortunate admission made the team stare at Carlos in horror, then at each other. They all consequently decided to end the game and start a different one to scrub their minds of the mental image that that implication came with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One I'm hoping to do in future is a Q and A with the team and Cecil. Send in any questions for any of the characters and it will be answered in a future ficlet!


	7. Bonus: The Two-Headed Ox and the Weasel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you wanted the full story so here it is. Fairy tales, Night Vale style.

"Hey can you tell us that whole story about the ox and the weasel?" Dr Green asked Dave one lazy afternoon in the lab. 

"Oh yes I'd like to hear this." Natalia came from across the room and sat herself down next to the two scientists. 

"I guess so." Dave shrugged. 

"Yay, a story time!" Ellie said and excitement and pretty soon all of the scientists have gathered round waiting to hear the story. 

"Okay so this story is mostly told to you when you're of a young age and is beginning to question the world around you. It's kind of like a fable."

"Oooh. Go for it!" Jeffries urged. 

"Okay." Dave grinned. "Once upon a possible time period...ah, this is of course fiction as time isn't real," he paused, scratching his chin. "There lived a weasel into town very similar to the one we live in. It was surrounded by deserts and it was unlikely that a weasel would normally survive in this kind of environment, but it did. The weasel had a good life; it was surrounded by a secret police which was trusted to monitor them and the weasel had received a reasonable municipally-approved education."

"Wow. You can tell this is a Night Vale fable, can't you?" Johnson whispered to Jeffries. 

"However there came a day where the weasel was not satisfied with its surroundings and it sought out the world government. The sun rose and the sun set and the sun rose again as it made its way across the desert until it found its way to the government building. Tall and looming it was as the weasel stood in front of it. The weasel was going to tell the government all of the reasons why it thought that its life was not fair and how the world government was responsible for it. The weasel made its way to the doorway of the building where in front of it stood a two headed ox.  
'Can I help you?' One of the ox's heads asked.  
'I wish to speak to the world government,' the weasel said. 'I am dissatisfied with my life and I think it is their fault.'  
'Well we could let you in...'One head said, the head on the left.  
'Or we could not.' The right head said.  
'Here we go again,' said the left head. 'Why must you always disagree with me? We are part of the same body. I don't understand why you always have to oppose everything I say!'"

"This reminds me of Hiram." Ellie muttered. 

"Ssh!" The others whispered loudly to her. 

"'Well I think some of the things you say are stupid.' The right head said.  
'Well I think some of the things YOU say are stupid.' The left head snarled back.  
'I think we should let him in.' The left head said.  
'I do not think we should let him in.' The right head said, and the weasel looked uncomfortably between the two arguing ox heads."

"Reminds me of Ellie and Dave's arguments." Rochelle whispered to Jeffries, making the older man chuckle.

"'So can I pass?' The weasel said.  
'Yes.' One head said.  
'No.' The other said.  
'Yes!'  
'No!'  
'Yes!'  
'No!'  
'YES!'  
'NO!'  
The two ox heads argued this way for several hours whilst the weasel sat on a rock near them." Dave continued, smiling slightly at his captivated audience. 

"After a while one of them suddenly said 'Hey, what were we even fighting about?'  
'I don't know...' The other head replied.  
'Me!' cried the weasel. 'You were arguing about whether to let me in to the world government building to complain!'  
'Oh well in that case I think we should let him in.' The left head said in thought.  
'I do not think we should let him in.' The right head said back.  
'Yes!'  
'No!'  
'Yes!'  
'No!'  
'YES!'  
'NO!'  
It was at this point that the weasel realised the truth of this world. Everything was futile and no one should resist the world government. He went back home to his municipally approved life and all was as it should be. The End." Dave concluded. The scientists looked blankly at him. 

"What?" Dave blinked. 

The scientists merely gaped at him, before rapidly discussing it amongst themselves.

"Geez, they haven't been this talkative since I told them about our smallpox epidemic in the 90s."


	8. Ukuleles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nat is a little shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to my readers! Here's a little Natellie fluff for your souls.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

"Ughhhhh....what time is it?"

"I dunno. Time is an illusion. But if I had to guess..." Dr Ellie Green scratched her chin in mock thought "about 8am?"

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh Ellieeee why?"

"Because it's a new year!"

Natalia gave her fiancée a pointed look, but her eyes were smiling. "We brought in the new year last night! And staying up that late usually means a lie-in, you know."

"But I had an idea." Ellie whined. 

"You're such a child."

"Oh? Really? Would a child do this?" The blonde biochemist wound her arms around her girlfriend's waist and kissed her with a smirk. 

"No." Natalia rolled her eyes and kissed her back. "But you have morning breath, and children brush their teeth when they wake up."

"Tch," Ellie pouted "It's your fault!"

"How is that my fault?!" Natalia laughed and pulled back. She prayed in her head that she would never get used to seeing Ellie like this in the morning. Her hair was in messy curls and she was leaning on Natalia's stomach gently, her Superman pyjamas peaking up from her crossed arms. It was a sight she never wanted to get used to, because it was the most beautiful little surprise each morning that she'd managed to land such a gorgeous fiancée. 

"Well, you're just too kissable when you've just woken up."

Aaaannd there it was. Natalia giggled and poked Ellie in the ribs, causing the woman to squeak slightly and wriggle. 

"What was your idea?"

"Well," Ellie said, rolling off Natalia's chest and sitting cross-legged next to her on the bed. "Since you we looking after Cecil and Carlos last night after they got competitive with shots-"

"A grim memory."

"Yeah. But we never got you to bring in the New Year with a song!"  
Natalia sighed with a small smile. The member of the Secret Police that lived outside their house had bought Natalia a ukulele for Christmas after noticing that she liked some songs that involved them and watched them on YouTube. Natalia had tried out a few songs and had liked it enormously. She didn't consider herself a very musical person, but it was worth it entirely to see how Ellie's eyes shone whenever she played even the simplest chord. 

"Fine, pass it over here."

"Yee!" Ellie jumped out of the bed and dashed into the next room, bringing back the small ukulele and giving it to Natalia. 

"I did learn something new I guess," the astrophysicist mused as she held it, watching Ellie lean forward expectantly. She gave it a small strum and then did one of the simpler chords.

"Hey...." she sang quietly as Ellie rested her head on Natalia's shoulder. "Hey....how you doin', well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm dying inside."

Worth it, Natalia thought as Ellie protested loudly and tickled her as 'punishment' for turning something she found quite hot into a meme.

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE SUBMIT!


End file.
